Trials of Eyeliner

Comes across all shy and coy, just another nancy boy


Are we ready for a rant, boys and girls? I hope so. It has been a long time since I saw something within SL that not only made my jaw drop but actually made me verp. And last night, while innocently out looking for some hair that I saw someone wearing that I WAAAANT but can’t find, we ran smack into a creation fit only for late night Jersey Shore re-run addicts.

First off, no, I will not give you this person’s name.

I have started this rant about 10 times and really it just boils down to, “WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS HOLY WERE YOU THINKING?!?!?!”

Do people REALLY find this attractive? Is this someone’s dream girl? I mean, does this really speak to your soul? Do you want this woman as your one and true love forever? When your mind drifts to thoughts of deep, emotional connection, is this the picture you see in your head?

Ok, ok..  lets dial it back a bit, maybe that’s a bit too much.

Would you really even trust your virtual self anywhere near these pixels?

No, I didn’t think so.

Never mind the fact she forgot to take her nipples off. Accidental attachments happen. God knows I’ve gone out with a t-shirt on and my nipple rings still attached. Usually because I’ve taken them off and SL has so generously put them back on for me thinking I made a mistake and wanted to find some matching towels to hang from them as decoration. And all us old timers remember when “Ass Handbag” was a regular occurrence of teleportation back in the day. You see, you would port to a sim and all of your attachments would be on your butt. Shoes- jewelry- hair- you name it.

Never mind the bad freckled skin with her buck-gapped teeth rearing out like a horse ready to snap at me like a salt lick.

Never mind the narrow, beady eyes and overly made-up eyelashes so long and glommed it looks like four bugs crawled up, died, and went belly up with their legs kicking around her eyeballs…. after they walked through tar.

Never mind the fake, mesh breasts were LARGER THAN HER FACE. EACH.

Never mind the bad jewelry and hooker dress. And nylons that look like someone desperately was trying to claw their way out from her snatch. Nevermi— oh for god’s sake, just never mind!

I know, I know.. stop being so judgmental. Be open minded. Be accepting of everyone’s perfectly good right to be exactly as they want to be in SL and have the opportunity to go out and just be whatever they want.

I know. I keep telling myself that.

But at the end of trying to tell myself to be the better man, I simply can’t.  Its the Snookie Paradox, as I like to call it.

She has done more damage to the young women- and men-  of this generation than any one else. She’s made it ok for girls to think it is ok to not have any class- style- and most importantly, no common sense. Who gets drunk and goes out and gets so drunk she rolls around on the ground showing her snatch and laughing and thinking its just fiiiiiine. Maybe I’m old. Maybe I just don’t get it. That’s fair. But I weep for any young women who think she’s great and want to emulate her- even just in a virtual world.

I suppose my only saving grace is that she never moved from her spot so I wasn’t given the opportunity to tell if her bosom was effected by physics.

And for this I shall be eternally grateful.

Snarkily yours,


13 thoughts on “Dear God Why???

  1. Lmao. Very good post. She’s probably a workin girl out to make some dough. 🙂 it’s nice to see someone who doesn’t get all worked up over stuff like this girl.

    Did you find the hair you are looking for? Have a link to a photo?

    1. I did! O was a smart boy and asked the person who was wearing it so I could go find it.
      And glad I made you laugh 🙂 I try not to focus on the person and step back and just poke at the trend… and make folks laugh at the same time.

  2. anon says:

    holy hell seriously? i mean *blinks.. then just blinks again..* ok i am utterly or maybe that is udderly speachless…

    1. brittainycollins says:

      I honestly do not know what to say to this except someone please put a box over that.. it is hurting my eyes

    2. Mooooo! udderly. Good one… Mr or Mrs Anonymous!

  3. Petra Carpenter says:

    You really need a better place to shop for new hair Nigel….I mean really wondering down one of those dark alleys where a certain type of female lingers to get molested is just not safe for you. Is it the light, my tired eyes or does she also have either druggie or slashed arms as well? And people wondered why I always preferred to keep my clothes on back in the days I sat on a fountain watching the SL world go by. That look is an insult hookers as most in world would never get business if they looked like that…as for the guys who want girls like that…hell they wouldn’t pay for it anyway.

    1. Ah, but if I didn’t go out, I wouldn’t have anything to rant about 😛

  4. elizawierwight says:

    ~lips quivers~
    Rough trade as a Kink is so passe.
    I love you Mr Riel.

    1. “Rough Trade Kink is so Passe.” … I have to remember that.

  5. And I see that Captain Edward Beefheart has also made an appearance – my pet peeve about the faces like trout and the invisible ponies between their thighs.

    1. My friend Ms. Fosset sent me a link to this whole invisible pony fad… I have to say, not only do I not understand, I am quite frankly worried about the misshapen ponies being harmed in the creation of the mesh attire.

  6. aryanna001 says:

    *quietly packs my mesh boobies, grill and hooker dress away*

    1. Hey now.. don’t be hasty, you can rock a hooker dress. *eyebrow waggle*

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